Sweet Dreams, Sweeter Awakening

Hello! Once again, I’ve been away from the page and therefore the blog. Actually, that’s not totally true. I’ve been doing a lot of writing in hand written fashion. You know…old school ;). I’m working on a speech entitled, “From Rape to Rad” and oh what a wild ride into the past and future it has been!

Has anyone been feeling the changes happening in the ummm…well, can ya feel it? It’s happening everywhere. I feel it in my very fiber of being. Its in peoples eyes, the galaxy, in our political system…its everywhere. I’ve had, as someone super sensitive to energy, had to take serious disciplined action to support my body system in this time. Sleeping by 10:30, in bed with a good book by 9 most nights, eating lots of green, meditating, allowing, accepting and taking care to spend time with peeps that know me and support the being that I am.

I’ve also been waking up at 4 am in my bliss body, again. Last night, I didn’t try to go back to sleep, instead, I started doing Reiki on myself. What happened was a very old emotional pattern came up in me. I identified that emotion as abandonment. It was as if a little girl named Abandonment crawled into bed with me and said, “I’m scared. I just need to be held.” So I did.

What a cool feeling to hold this abandonment without the attachments to it. I’ve been having a lot of people needing to leave my life lately. It’s been painful, but in my core I know it is for the best.

Knowing something is for the best doesn’t necessarily take away the conditioned patterns of abandonment that can arise however. So it was rather a gift to have abandonment show up in my bed so that we, together, could go over the last couple of months and see that no ones been abandoned at all, its really a process of life/death/life that all relationships cycle through. I was then able to go to the root, the time when I first felt abandonment come to life in myself and see there too, it wasn’t true.

After sitting with abandonment and looking compassionately into it, there came a deep sense of contentment. To use the little girl analogy again, it’s as if having seen the nightmare wasn’t true, she peacefully stuck her thumb in her mouth, curled into my arms and fell asleep.

AND, so did I. Where I dreamt of being held by a lover who was whispering into my hair, “My God, you smell so good.” I feel this was actually myself, holding that little child who still had the scent of baby on her. You know that smell? I love that smell! I am am so grateful to my sister for giving me 3 chances to smell that smell! I say this because in my dream, as this lover said this to me, I thought, “Yep, they don’t package that smell. It’s the smell of innocence.”

Yes, YES! Change is happening. Old patterns that have limited my life experience are being erased, rewired, over-hauled. Frankly, I love the gentleness of it all. I love that I am being so gentle with myself. Allowing, Accepting and Absolutely LOVING.

Take it slow, Loves. Relax into the flow of this ever-changing time and trust that the Universe will bring you what you need exactly when you are ready to love it. Even the darkest elements of our conditioned programming.